What You Didn't Know

          Have you ever once in your life felt like you want to strangle a person until he or she let out a bloodcurdling scream? Well, if you ask me, I always feel like doing it ..big time i'm telling you. Sounds evil huh? Being married for a year yet with no baby in my arms has made me an even more sensitive person. It would be such a lie if I tell you that I had done nothing to change the situation.

         So far, I had undergone a few massage treaments which were on the same purpose but in different ways. The question whether they may or may not work is left at the back of my mind. I know that Allah will hear my prayers and just having that faith turns me into a fighter. Let me share a few input regarding the treatments.

#1 Having the thought that there might be something wrong with my body, I went to see a village midwife in Hubby's hometown accompanied by my MIL. The midwife checked my stomach with her hands and informed me that I got a really strong 'senggugut' aka stomach pain that affect my chances to get pregnant. Later she massaged my stomach softly accompanied with some doas and it was only for a while. I went back feeling unsatisfied. A few weeks later, i met her once more and she said that my heartbeat was kind of weak. Most probably I already got 'something' in my womb. She warned me not to consume any medicines if I were to fall sick, afraid that I might lost that 'something'.

I did fall sick a week later with a severe sore-throat, heavily running nose that almost suffocated me, nonstop coughing and high body temperature. No matter how suffer I was, not even a pill successfully slipped down into my throat. I was determined to get healthy without consuming any medicines. Next, my expected menstrual period did not come as usual. Hubby and I were so overexcited that I carried out not only one home pregnancy test but two to check my well being. Both results were negative. I couldn't describe how we felt that day. Tears!!!

#2 My SIL was just giving birth and we decided to pay a visit. She had her midwife came over to the house for her massage treatment. I joined her afterward. This time the midwife did a real massage. What I meant real is that she actually massaged me from head to toe. This particular midwife stated that it was hard for me to get pregnant because my uterus was rather high. Huh?! Okay... Somehow I felt relieved being assured that my health was not the issue at all. The midwife asked me to get another massage from her in the future because normally one is not enough. Well, that was our first and last meeting, indeed. :p

#3 Seeing my colleague who experienced the same thing like me ended up pregnant after getting a massage treatment from a midwife in Kemaman, I decided to meet the same midwife too. Unexpectedly, there was a lil miscommunication and i ended up meeting a different midwife instead. The midwife requested me to come three times in a row. For each treatment, i need to pay RM50. She told that my organs were quite tense. I need to have my body massaged constantly to loosen 'em up. With this midwife, it is preferable for you to come and see her on your first day of menstrual period. I am not sure of the reasons. My body ached all over for a week.

#4 Last week I went to a place in Kota Kinabalu. It is a place where people have problems with their bones. The 'tabib' aka doctor is from Taiwan. I went there with my mom and BIL.  My sister had a problem with one of her feet before. After the doctor treated her, now she is able to walk again like any normal people without feeling any pain. Alhamdulillah. I came to see the doctor with a feeling that my bones were in a good position. Surprisingly, after the doctor and his wife checked my backbone, I was told that my pelvis bones were not aligned. (FYI, I had had the experience of falling and rolling hard on the road while riding my scooter at a high speed).The doctor who has limited English vocabulary, showed me a picture of bones and said "No MOTHER" while pointing to an image of pelvis bones. He meant that if my pelvis bones stay untreated, i will not become a mother for ever and ever!! A wave of sadness washed over me. Later I undergone a treatment done by his son. My legs were stretched and his son hit my back really hard. Gosh! I never came back after the first treatment. Deep down inside, i really hope that this time it really works.

         Frankly saying, to become a mother, one has to experience many difficulties in life. I accept this reality with an open heart and mind. Ya Allah, please make me stronger. I will not giving up hope. I believe that good things will happen in my life. It is only a matter of time.

•► “... ALLAH is the Best of Planners!” [Ali-Imraan (3):54] ♥

•► “... and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know.” [Al-Baqarah (2):216] ♥